Wednesday, 31 July 2013

Emotions.

I'm concerned that I am going to become one of those bitter angry sick people. One of the ones who yell at children because they are being too happy. Sometimes on Facebook when people write whinny states about how bad their day is going, I want write snarky messages about how much they have to appreciate and maybe they should think about that for two seconds. But I don't because that would be a sure sign I've become bitter and it would also get me shunned from the Facebook world. Rationally, I know people have bad days and I do not want to dismiss how horrible it feels when you can't find your keys or when you burn you supper or are cramming for exams. I mean I'm sure someone is yelling at me to stop whining about my situation because there is someone in a worse situation than me. Of course there is, there is always a 'worse case scenario'. I'm worried that I am going to lose that perspective.

I guess what is bothering me more is that I get jealous when people talk to me about their plans for next year or five years because I can't help thinking, where will I be in 5 years? Will I be alive in 5 years? Then I feel guilty for thinking those things and feel horrible that instead of celebrating with you, I am making it all about me. I know I mentioned this before and no, I haven't figured out how to crush that little voice inside of me. I am so tired of being stuck in this limbo and unable to see a future beyond a month or two. I can't tell you where I will be in a month, let alone at Christmas, or next summer and my inability to plan for the future is making me envious at everyone who can. I know I need to keep planning for the furture and not let my health stuff stop me but it can get depressing.

I don't want people to stop telling me about their life plans or how about their horrible day because I really do want to hear what you are going through. I just wish I could shut off that bitter part of me that comes creeping up occasionally. I really don't want to be one of those cranky people who hate happiness in other people because they might not have the same thing. How do I make sure that doesn't happen to me? Will someone please slap me if I start becoming that person?

2 comments:

Amy Watson said...

I'll slap you any time!

helen soucoup said...

I'll slap you but slapping a bitter sick person is dangerous, I know cause I too can be a bitter sick person who might slap back.... This could end with bruises.