After years of saying
that I wasn't looking for work more than the one and half days a week
I was doing at the library, this week I'm starting an
almost-full-time job at the desk of the Mount Allison Library. I'm
both nervous and excited. It's going to be a huge change for me,
working five days a week, having to wear something other than sweat
pants, not being able to nap whenever I feel sleepy. Now it'll be all
professional clothes, commutes to work, and probably an increased
caffeine addiction along with everyone else. I'm excited about the
actual job itself – more responsibilities, new computer system to
learn, a university setting – and am mostly concerned that I'm not
going to have the stamina for a five day a week position.
I'm going to have to be
pro-active about putting my health as my top priority and realize
that everything else will have to take second place. Especially for
the first month when I imagine I'm going to be quite tired while
learning the new position as well as the energy required in just
being at work five days a week and moving more.
So I've been meal
prepping all week, baking bread, making mini meatloafs, and freezing
calzones that I can just grab and go for a solid meal. Isaiah would
normally happily cook meals for us but he got Bell's Palsy last month
and has been off work due to his very slow recovery. He's going back
part-time this week but he's still unable to close his eye or chew
food. Needless to say, he's also going to be quite tired for a few
weeks.
I had always thought if
I was going to switch jobs it would be more for maybe another
part-time job or for a rec position but this one came up and Isaiah
convinced me to apply even though I was positive I wasn't qualified.
I figured it wouldn't hurt to apply and if nothing else, I would have
updated my resume and then, to my surprise but not Isaiahs, I got a
job interview. I wasn't hired for the actual job that had been posted
but for a very similar one that is considered a 'temporary' position.
So after next April, I may not have any job but at least I'll have
tried something different and I'll know by then if I'm comfortable
and healthy enough to work more hours.
You may be asking “but
why would you take a job if you don't know that you can do it?” and
the answer is “because I want to know if I can.” I'm almost five
years post-transplant now and I want to push myself a bit and see if
I'm ready for it. If I am, that's great. Once this job is over, if
it's not renewed than I'll know I can start looking around at other
positions. If it's a disaster than that's an answer as well. I'm
really trying my best to recognize that this may not work out for me
and that's okay. Sometimes it's enough just to see if it's possible
and learn that it's not. Or so I keep telling myself. Eventually I'll
believe it.
