At the gym last week, I heard a few people say that "they have been good so they hope Santa brings them some lungs." For some reason made me feel really sad. Not because I think these people actually believe Santa will bring them lungs, but it hit me that while they were wishing for new lungs from Santa, in another part of the hospital, a different family is hoping Santa will bring them a Christmas miracle.
It usually doesn't bother me about the fact that someone will have to die in order for me to have my transplant. I think it is because I will have distance from the other family and have no part in the donors life or death. It is easy to deal with because I see it as a random part of life over which I have no control. It is an unfortunate part of the donor process but if I can benefit from someone's death, I'm not going to pass that up.
However, for some reason actively wishing on a time frame, somehow makes the other family and the other side of the transplant seem more real. It seems more like "I hope someone dies over Christmas so I can get some Christmas lungs". And that doesn't seem very Christmas-y. I don't want anyone wish a horrible festive season on anyone.
I realize that people didn't mean it that way and I'm sure I'm over thinking it wayyy too much. I even find it weird that the comment made me feel this way as I make inappropriate 'where the lungs come from' jokes more than I should. However, I shouldn't be surprised that at some point I would be forced to actually consider the real implications of the other side of the transplant process.