Wednesday, 29 May 2013

A fly went up my nose

It was such a gorgeous day today that I couldn't stay inside any longer. So I thought I should get off the couch and go for a bike ride. Before you start thinking that I've found a love of exercising, this only happened because yesterday I drove to the library to get my books. That doesn't sound so bad until you discover that the library is one block from my house. I hate walking up hills and there is a hill on the block so I find it a bit of a struggle to walk up. I usually stop at the library on my way back or to somewhere so it seems less like I'm driving one block. However, yesterday I had nowhere else to go but I drove anyway. As an environmentalist wanna-be, it was a low moment of my week.

So back to today, it was sunny and I could not come up with any good excuses to stay on the couch. I do enjoy cycling and am very comfortable biking so would much rather do that then go for a walk. So, I put the oxygen tank in the bike panier (my physiotherapist would be so proud) and off I went down the giant hill that is the hill of Springhill. There is really no other way to start a walk or bike ride in this town than by going down a hill.

I decided to cycle down the connection road which starts off downhill and with the wind at my back, I was flying. At that moment a transport truck passed me, and I brilliantly decided to ponder the thought of what would happen if I hit a rock and crashed out.  Then I started to panic that if I fell over, the oxygen tank would explode and I would die a fiery death on the side of the road. It would be the stuff movies would be proud of as the fireball would blow me into the trees or something equally stunt-awesome. When you watch enough James Bond, you know that a mere fender bender can make a car explode so imagine the explosion when you add an oxygen tank into the mix. Physics be damned, I'm sure the movies never lie.

While these thoughts were going through my mind, a fly went up my nose.

But it didn't go all the way up because I had the oxygen tubing in my nose. So it more went halfway into my nostril and then proceeded to squirm around. Meanwhile, I was still zooming down this hill with cars flying pass me. I couldn't stop suddenly because I was going too fast and my feet were locked into those tiny little pedals. 

I just kept thinking, this will be how I die, I will never make it to the transplant, I will die because a fly went up my nose. I will crash to the ground and explode in a ball of oxygen saturated flaming fire. They will have to write 'death by a fly' on my memorial site or memorial library or memorial children's hospital. Because surely my awesomeness deserves one of those.

I made it to the bottom of the hill and was able to stop safely and I finally dislodged the fly from my nose wiped off the tubing and continued on my way. I can confidently say that nothing as exciting happen for the rest of my ride. When my ever supporting partner picked me up with the car at the bottom of the hill (its a big hill!) he said that if I fell over, I would simply just fall over and there would be no explosions. He is so logical.

I am sleeping with one eye open tonight for fear of the nose- fly coming back for its revenge.


Anonymous said...

death by fly...aahahaha...was his a death by nose! I am glad that you did not die in a huge fireball by the side of the road with a fly up your nose...but if you had, it would have been the talk of the town for years to come. Ann Murray would have been displaced and the new Allison Watson Theme Park, with the fireball roller-coaster, would have been the newest tourist attraction.

Amy Watson said...

You almost killed me laughing at this story. And than the comment did too....

Alley said...

Bahahaha...take that Ann Murray!

Faith said...

Cousin, this is possibly the best blog post I have ever read. EVER.