A much shorter ICU post

I just wanted to brag that I made it for a lap around the big block and one around the small one. Of course with the giant body walker but with no physical support. Things are improving well on the physio end. Woohoo! My calves were not happy at the end but they do not get a vote.

If only that was all I had to do. I've developed some anxiety with being in bed and on the trach mask the same time. Which is a big deal as it's pretty much the only thing still keeping me in ICU. I'm blaming the anxiety attacks on a few - less than pleasant experiences - I had while being switched from the vent (lung support) to a mask (only oxygen for support). I panic if the switch takes too long (or now when it happens) and then seem to not be able to get myself down to non-anxious levels.

Anxiety really is the worst because part of the brain serves as a constant reminder of how irrational the entire thing is.  Everyone standing around telling me my stats are fine which I know is suppose to be supportive. However, so far I've found Ativan to be the most supportive of all. Even though I hate every time I need to take it as I feel as though I should be stronger than the situation. I know the lecture of how much I've been through and it's ICU so it's ok to need extra meds (like my new fav sleeping pill!). It's still hard to admit to oneself that the brain needs extra help in dealing with situations. Sometimes all the breathing exercising in the world don't work.

Well, this celebratory post of my walk took a turn for the more depressing side. Since we're here already, the other new news is that there is still a lot of fluid in my lungs so they'll be sending me for a CT scan tomorrow to see if the liquid can be drained through Lasix (some magical pee-making machine pill) or if it'll be necessary to put in smaller chest tubes. Urgh. Common Lasix! Work your power!