Happy Boxing Day!

(I wrote this yesterday...)

Happy Boxing Day!

I'll just preface with the medical updates: my chest incision site has been oozing for the last week or so but no one ever considered it a problem. Until today when a doctor decided that the second half of my staples should come out ASAP, as in, 10 sec after making that declaration, (ASAP either means right this sec or sometime in the next day or so) and that the ooze should be sent off for a infection swab (due back in 2-3 days). In the meantime, they have started me on a antibiotic. I also have my one month post-op bronchoscopy scheduled for tomorrow. Yay for medicated naps...?

The exciting part of the post is that my trach is out! Yay!!! It came out this morning with the help of one RT, one nurse, two Ativan, and a lot of mantra self-chanting. Isaiah showed up seconds after it was done which was the perfect distraction. We tried to go for a little walk (because I'm allowed to do those now with family!) but my stats dropped too much before we got one step. Instead we half heatedly played cards which turned into Isaiah reading to me which turned into a giant day-long nap for me.

It was so necessary. Yesterday, was way more overwhelming than I had been expecting. I think it was a combination of the stress over the fact that my trach could come out, my room being crazy warm, all the new changes with food, and all the visitors showing up with massive amounts of presents that stressed me out. I'm sure the lack of sleep, food on hold, and a plethora of other reasons also added to the stress.

Whatever the cause, the trach was suppose to come out at 1130 yesterday and so I immediately had a panic attack around 1115. One that took me a really long time to work my way down from. I had a glorious Christmas Day nap which seemed to help everything. It's amazing how much sleep can cure all. During my nap they decided the trach removal would be pushed to the next day. I think that also helped calm me down too.

So that is all that happened medically. Psychology, I felt as though I failed. I realize it a total irrational response and every nurse has given me a lecture on how normal it is to be anxious about trach removal or any other hospital procedure. I'm so annoyed at my brain for freaking out about something so routine. I've had much crazier things happen and it doesn't bother me at all. Why on earth would that have been the cause of panic? I realize every person with anxiety is saying "yup, that is how it works." To those people I say, "I have great respect on how you manage life. This seems acute and situationally based. I can't imagine dealing with it all the time."

But yay!!!!!! Trach out!! One less thing to worry about. I'm breathing on my own/with oxygen.

[For those wondering how they take it out, the RT literally just pulls it out of the throat and sticks a gauze and bandage over it. Actually, the RT just stuck a large bandaid over it. The nurse afterwards stuck gauze and tegiderm (fancy bandaid) over it, creating a seal so I can talk slightly as long as the seal doesn't break. Pretty minimal for something that freaked me out so much.]