The Fault in Our Stars by John Green: Some musings.

Two nights ago I read The Fault in Our Stars by John Green as the trailer was released and my cousin convinced me it was worth the read. She was right. Everyone should read it.

The basic synopsis is that two teenagers fall in love after meeting at a cancer support group and bond over a book about a girl dying from cancer.

If spoilers bother you, you should probably stop reading (although a study showed that people actually enjoy stories more when they know the ending so I'm actually enhancing your experience).

Besides some minor medical points that I had issues with (ie I can't imagine her oxygen flow only being at 2L), it was really good. It deals with illness, death, and dying in an way that doesn't talk down to you or make it all be part of some grand scheme in the end. There was also an abundance of sarcasm which I really enjoyed.

Here were some of the things I really related to:

1) The teens talk about how awesome good nurses are and how horrible the bad ones can be. It's true. Nothing beats having a nurse that treats you like a human being and listens when you explain how you like things. Nothing is worse than a nurse who refuses to see you more than their job or who gives you pity stares and makes comments about how depressing your situation is. Ummm, thanks?

2) Being teenagers, they hate any sort of motivational saying or cliche that tends to provide more comfort to those saying the phrase than those hearing it. Even as a non-teenager, I also hate those cliches. I understand people say them because they have no idea what else to say and I get that. I have said those cliches to people in the past because I also have no idea what to say. But can't we all come up with something better? I have ranted about this in the past.

3) The boy wanted his life to be part of a greater purpose. He had a hard time recognizing that most people live and die without ever getting their '15 minutes of fame'. This is probably getting harder for people as everything now is about leaving a legacy behind (which I've ranted about in other posts) or having a greater meaning to one's life than simply being a good person. In the end, he came to the conclusion that often in our attempt to leave a mark on the world, we end up leaving scars instead and maybe leaving the world as you found it is good enough. I loved that sentiment and appreciated that in the end, the author did not make his life as part of a great plan.
So much of literature writes characters with disabilities as a) having their purpose in life being to inspire everyone else, b) a saint-like figure, or c) the villain. It is always refreshing when a person with a disability is written having a regularly complicated life filled with video games and sarcasm. 

4) The boy made his friends write their eulogies while he was still alive which I think is a brilliant idea. They called it a 'pre-funeral' and he got to actually hear all the nice things that people said about him. I think everyone should get this chance. There is the problem of never actually knowing when you are actually going to die so you could have a pre-funeral and then go on living for another year. It is impossible to know when one's 'last good day' is going to be so maybe we need to annually start telling people great things about each other on the off chance they will die that year. I think talking about death would would help people recognize how much they have impacted other peoples' lives. It might also make people more accepting of their mortality which I believe is a good thing. We really need to stop pretending that death will never happen to us.

5) When the boy died, the girl got really angry when everyone he had gone to middle school with posted sympathies on his fb wall and commented about stuff he enjoyed then but had hated when he died. She felt it was insincere considering they hadn't made any attempt to keep in touch after he withdrew from school. I agree that typing on a facebook wall wishing someone is 'up in heaven playing basketball' when a) the person no longer enjoyed basketball and b) didn't believe in a literal heaven seems like a dick move. However,  people need an outlet to express sympathies and if a facebook wall is how we do it now, that's fine. Also, people drift apart and you remember people by how you knew them in that moment. It would be unfair to think that everyone you ever knew will know your preferences when you die. There is a fine line of remembering the person as they were and remembering them how you wanted them to be.

I feel like I could ramble on about the book for much longer but that is all I'm going to say for now. In conclusion, if you have a few hours and want to spend it on a really good book, read this one.

Family Calendars.

I couldn't share these before Christmas as I was trying to limit the amount of presents that I ruined for my family. So before I forget, here are a few excerpts from the calendars I made for my family for 2014. 

Mom and Dad's theme: "NB Monthly Eats"

David and Cindy's theme: "The places you've been"

Amy and Luc's theme: "Dr. Seuss'"

A Maritime meal

To starve off any homesickness that may arrive during this bitterly-windy-cold-winter month, we made something to remind us of home. Garlic fingers! Yummm. Deliciously greasy, smothered with donair sauce. Mmmmmmm.

To balance out the grease, Isaiah made stuffed peppers which were also delicious but much less exciting.

Look at that bubbling cheese. 

Peppers stuffed with quinoa, tomato sauce, onion, and topped with cheese.

It has been a year.

It has been almost a year since my lungs got infected enough for me to be hospitalized for several weeks, cancelling my trip to Spain, and putting me off work indefinitely. What a year it's been.

I still miss work. I miss getting up every morning and doing something active (that does not involve a treadmill). I miss helping people and feeling part of a team. I miss my co-workers. I miss my giant office. I miss running groups. I mean, to simplify it, it was my job to run cooking, art, gardening, games, and knitting groups. Who wouldn't miss that?

I miss being able to travel, to leave my area, and explore new places. I have no idea when I'm going to be able to do that again. Traveling is my first love (sorry Isaiah) and honestly, it was the hardest part about this time last year. To be told that if I went on my planned vacation, I might not make it home is a hard thing to hear. There is nothing like having a doctor say you shouldn't do the thing you love to ruin your day. No matter how much I tell myself that being in Toronto is like a giant vacation with new adventures, it's not the same as having my toes in the sand in the Canary Islands. 

But, I've made it through the year. I took a tamed down vacation of camping around Newfoundland (more hands-in-mittens than toes-in-sand type of vacation) and visited France when we ferried to St. Pierre for a night. I still am technically employed as they hold my job for me for two years and then I become a general employee of Cumberland Health Authority. That means whenever I am healthy enough to return to work, they have to find a position that I am qualified for. Job security is a wonderful feeling (yay unions!).  

Right now, even though I miss work, I would be scared to return. I know rationally that I've been declining for years and that not one event made it so I am here today but I feel like working with people in a hospital may have accelerated the process a bit. Even though it was a really clean rehab unit, people are still germ-y and no amounts of Virox wipes or Purell can help that.

Thinking about going back post-transplant makes me nervous that I would be putting myself at an unnecessary germ risk.  It makes me feel like I should try to find another job that involves less one-on-one with the public. But then why did I got back to university for three more years if I'm not going to do anything with it in the end?

I have no idea what decision I would make right now. Thankfully, I don't have to make it and have to stop worrying about it because it is so far in the future that everything is still hypothetical. I can plan it all out but then I may never even get to the point where I am deemed healthy enough to return to work.

As I've said a million times, I like to have a plan so thinking about the options is what I do. However, the problem with worrying, that Isaiah likes to remind me about, is that the scenario that actually happens is rarely the one you imagined. There is nothing I can conclude at this time so I need to stop thinking about it. And who knows, maybe there is a plan C where my crayon art will sell for millions and I can travel on the profits (hmmm, actually that will be my new plan A).

I have a grocery cart!

I went to the zoo again today! While the zoo in winter may not sound very enjoyable, the pavilions are very toasty. With many layers on, it was actually really nice. It helped too that it was the warmest day in weeks (a balmy -4). I had a pass to use before Feb 1st and a friend free for the day so it was excellent timing.

It was the perfect day to try out the fancy grocery cart that Isaiah bought me to haul my oxygen around so I wouldn't have to carry it in my backpack like usual. My backpack has max back support and straps but even with that, my shoulders get sore after carrying around the tank for hours. The cart worked really well despite the fact that some of the paths were snow-covered and was still a bit heavy to drag around but I think it was probably better on my body at the end of the day. I'll still use my backpack for the shorter trips though as the cart was no fun going up and down stairs. 

I'm going to fit right in with all the older women walking around downtown!

My friend and I's shadow hovering over Mr. Panda. Still as adorable as ever.

Hello Mr. Wombat and Mr. Roo! Winter zoo bonus: Zero crowds! There was seriously almost no one there.