Organ donation and letter writing

On The Current over the past month, they've had two interesting discussions about organ donation in regards to contacting the donor family/meeting the recipient. 

The first interview was from a family whose son donated organs and they received a letter from the recipient. They used that letter to track down the man on social media and contact him. After many conversations they met up and are now "like family." Everyone was happy and the woman said, "When I laid my head in on his chest I heard my son..." She thought that everyone should have the option to meet if both parties consent.

Listen/read it here:
https://www.cbc.ca/radio/thecurrent/his-heart-still-beats-strong-to-give-life-how-an-organ-donation-united-2-families-1.4874324

The second conversation was a reaction to the first where they interviewed one woman who has spent the last 20 years waiting for a thank you letter from any of the people who got her brother's organs. They also talked to a woman who received a liver years ago who commented how hard it is to write a letter to the donor family. The liver transplant recipient said "There's a real head game that goes around with organ donation. You really do carry a huge degree of guilt along with it and everyone needs to be able to heal in their own way." The woman who would like a thank you note said she just wanted to know that her decision (even though her brother was the one who signed the donor card, she officially had the final say) made a difference to someone's life. 

Listen/read it here:

https://www.cbc.ca/radio/thecurrent/why-a-transplant-recipient-says-writing-a-donor-family-can-feel-impossible-1.4883781

Each province has different regulations regarding anonymity and transplants but I believe generally the donor process is anonymous (unless it's a live donor) and a few provinces have a provision that they'll give out information if both parties agree.

I think keeping it anonymous protects both the donor family and the recipient. It's great when it works out like the heart donation case but I can see how there could be a lot of issues with meeting the donor family. They might have opinions on a recipient's occupation (if they can work at all), politics, or religion. I would hope that everyone would get along and be grateful that the organ donation helped save someone's life but grief and losing a loved one can do strange things.

The woman who had the liver transplant was right in saying that it's important to make the organ your own and that you have to move on post-transplant. Not that it's possible to ever forget the donor. Or ever stop being thankful. But it's true that the entire thing is a head game and as irrational as it can be, there is guilt involved with needing someone to die in order to live.

I had been thinking of writing another letter for my 4 year transplant mark (which is in a few weeks!) to the family of my donor  even before hearing these interviews and now I think I will. I have no idea if my first one made it to the family or how it was received or if they would want a second one. They always have the right to refuse communication if they don't want my ramblings. It's one of the many confusing things that they don't prepare you for pre-transplant and that everyone handles differently.