New job!

After years of saying that I wasn't looking for work more than the one and half days a week I was doing at the library, this week I'm starting an almost-full-time job at the desk of the Mount Allison Library. I'm both nervous and excited. It's going to be a huge change for me, working five days a week, having to wear something other than sweat pants, not being able to nap whenever I feel sleepy. Now it'll be all professional clothes, commutes to work, and probably an increased caffeine addiction along with everyone else. I'm excited about the actual job itself – more responsibilities, new computer system to learn, a university setting – and am mostly concerned that I'm not going to have the stamina for a five day a week position.

I'm going to have to be pro-active about putting my health as my top priority and realize that everything else will have to take second place. Especially for the first month when I imagine I'm going to be quite tired while learning the new position as well as the energy required in just being at work five days a week and moving more.

So I've been meal prepping all week, baking bread, making mini meatloafs, and freezing calzones that I can just grab and go for a solid meal. Isaiah would normally happily cook meals for us but he got Bell's Palsy last month and has been off work due to his very slow recovery. He's going back part-time this week but he's still unable to close his eye or chew food. Needless to say, he's also going to be quite tired for a few weeks.

I had always thought if I was going to switch jobs it would be more for maybe another part-time job or for a rec position but this one came up and Isaiah convinced me to apply even though I was positive I wasn't qualified. I figured it wouldn't hurt to apply and if nothing else, I would have updated my resume and then, to my surprise but not Isaiahs, I got a job interview. I wasn't hired for the actual job that had been posted but for a very similar one that is considered a 'temporary' position. So after next April, I may not have any job but at least I'll have tried something different and I'll know by then if I'm comfortable and healthy enough to work more hours.

You may be asking “but why would you take a job if you don't know that you can do it?” and the answer is “because I want to know if I can.” I'm almost five years post-transplant now and I want to push myself a bit and see if I'm ready for it. If I am, that's great. Once this job is over, if it's not renewed than I'll know I can start looking around at other positions. If it's a disaster than that's an answer as well. I'm really trying my best to recognize that this may not work out for me and that's okay. Sometimes it's enough just to see if it's possible and learn that it's not. Or so I keep telling myself. Eventually I'll believe it.