One thing I've been putting off doing since my transplant is write a letter to the donor family. It's a completely optional service that the Triiliam Gift of Life Network provides for the donor and donor family.
According to the pamphlet I was given, the Human Tissue Gift Act requires that everything remain confidential so I can't include my name or any identifying qualifications, nor will I receive any identifiers if the family wishes to contact me.
The letter is suggested as a way to thank the family but every time I've started to write something, I get tripped up. A thank you note seems insufficient. Plus, isn't it weird that I'm thanking them for having someone in their family die? I know it's meant more to thank them for their decision, but I struggle with that as well because in my head I'm screaming "Of course they choose that their loved one would be a donor because that's what should have to happen!!!!"
On the non-selfish side of me that isn't trying to get out of writing the letter, I'm sure the family would enjoy hearing that their decision has
changed my life for the better. If I was in their place, I think I would
like to know. I'm just struggling to know where to start. "Dear family, I'm doing great. Thanks." seems so impersonal but if I start writing too much, when will I stop?
How do I express how completely overwhelmed I sometimes feel by everything that's happened? That I was able to cycle for 40 km on Thursday or that I could walk up a hill without having a coughing attack? Or that I no longer have to sleep on a stack of pillows to avoid waking up in the middle of the night coughing or struggling to breath? The changes that have happened are endless that my letter could ramble on and on. Of course it hasn't yet because I'm struggling to write anything more than "thank you."
I've really put this off long enough and need to get on it. Although the pamphlet does say it's encouraged to do it within the first year so maybe I can put this off and in 6 months I'll know exactly what to say.
3 comments:
sounds to me you just wrote it... you're not thanking them for the death of their loved one, you're telling them that something really miraculous happened in your life as a result of a life event that everyone of us is going to go through. They will feel honoured and reassured that good came from death and the differences it has made to you will console them and let them know how much you appreciate this new lease on life that was their gift.Tell them what you can do now and how it's changed and I'm sure rambling on will be perfectly ok with them. hugs - just speak from your heart!
What Sue said....
How completely caring and unselfish is it for the family of an organ donor to reach out at a time of loss and grief. You will find the words and motivation in good time - you'll know when you're ready.
you did just write some of it. tell them how people around you have acted watching you breathe better. that will resonate with how much they loved their loved one and that they gave someone else the chance to NOT lose their person. im sure that when my day comes ill be just as stuck.. but on this side of things still.. its easy to ramble too, imagining....
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